Self-sabotage is destructive behavior directed at yourself. It undermines your self-confidence and impacts your relationship with other people.
Self-sabotage is usually driven by negative self-talk. For example, you may worry that if you fail then people will think less of you, or you may worry that if you succeed then others will be jealous of you. Negative self talk discourages you from even trying.
The good news is that you can move through those moments of self-sabotage and replace them with ones that build your self-confidence, but you might be asking yourself how do I know if I’m sabotaging myself?
It can be difficult to identify self-sabotaging behavior, especially because the consequences might not immediately follow the behavior, making the connection unclear. One approach is to examine whether your behaviors are aligned with your long-term goals. This can help to recognize the self-sabotaging behaviors that are recurring in your life.
Notice the situation that is being avoided and acknowledge the pattern that is happening.
Next ask yourself, what are the emotions that are leading you to the behavior – tap into the emotions that surround the self-sabotage. Maybe it is anxiety, anger, or feelings of inadequacy. Name all the emotions that you feel.
With each emotion, allow yourself to look at the underlying belief about the behavior that is bringing up the emotions. What are you saying to yourself when engaging in self-sabotage? Do your beliefs come from someone or something in your past? Is the belief created by irrational thoughts? Is there evidence that supports that belief? What is true?
When you are aware of the emotions and beliefs that trigger a moment of self-sabotage, you get to be in choice about how you react.
With this new awareness, you can choose to develop self-supporting behaviors instead. Ask yourself what are the options that you have? What are the small achievable goals that will take you in the direction of what you want to accomplish? What will inspire you to take positive action?
You can shift out of moments of self-sabotage by noticing your patterns and behaviors, identifying the related emotions, and looking at the negative beliefs. Once you understand the underlying reasons for the self-sabotage, then you can choose to develop more positive, self-supporting patterns instead.
Could you use more help unwinding some of your old patterns and creating new ones? We warmly invite you to schedule a complimentary “Vitality Discovery Call” so we can get to know you and help you figure out your best next steps from here.
